Month: June 2019

HERE I AM, LORD

~ Cherryonline ~ 4 Comments

“God must increase; I must decrease.” John 3:30

As I write, I’m tucked away in a solitary cabin in the woods of Minnesota. I pray that I’m able to partake in the sacrament of this present moment. I want to be held by the Divine and, if I’m completely honest, I hope to be shown some great truth or new spiritual insight. Yet I know that God’s ways are not mine. He often speaks in a quiet voice like the soft ticking of a clock and through seemingly ordinary things.  That has been my experience more often than not.

When I am reading sacred Scripture and come upon the phrase, “Here I am, Lord”, I am struck by its weightiness. I sense a holy ground moment. A surrender to a mystery far beyond me and my comprehension. Maybe these words hold a key to the spiritual life.  I am captivated by them. I want to make them my own. They seem to go along with other phrases I’m drawn to such as, Be here now and You be you.

A dear friend, with whom I’ve journeyed many a day, wrote to me recently and reminded me of a passage I had sent to her years ago.

“Make it your ambition to lead a quiet life: You should mind your own business and work with your hands, just as we told you, so that your daily life may win the respect of outsiders and so that you will not be dependent on anybody.”       1 Thessalonians 4:11-12

I’m grateful for that reminder this morning. I want to be attuned to the sacred in my daily life. As I turn my attention to the phrase “Here I am, Lord”, I sense it speaks to both who I am and who God is. It speaks to an attitude of heart and soul rather than to a physical place. God desires to show me who I am at the same time He shows me who He is, His “I am”.  To receive this gift, I must be present in the moment, “be here”. Speaking the word “Lord” acknowledges my surrender. Years ago, a wise one in my life encouraged me to “remember who you are and whose you are.”  Years later, I continue to come to trust the great “I am”.

I recently participated in a women’s spiritual weekend whose theme was Open my Heart to the Presence of God, another phrase that grabs my attention. During the weekend, we talked a bit about St. Therese of Lisieux whose brief life also captivates me.  You could describe her as one who lived life like a child.  She was able to live in the moment with great dependence on God and attentiveness to the other. She desired to treat ALL with great love.  She loved flowers and saw herself as just a little flower. She was content being her beautiful self among the other beautiful flowers.  What a powerful example to meditate on and to follow. I have heard it said that dependence on God is the pathway to holiness.

Some of my meditations of late have focused on nature and God’s creation as ways that God speaks to us. The Creator conversing with his creation. God writes His name everywhere. Reflecting on a rose, I see that the center of the flower is where life is most intense.  I see the same thing in a candle that is lit and burning brightly.  I would describe the center as intense, deep, full, true, powerful, and steady yet, at the same time, tender, fragile, and dependent. When I think of myself as God’s creation, I could describe myself that way as well. God’s spirit within me is full, true, powerful, and steady yet, in my humanness, I am fragile and dependent. My “Here I am, Lord” carries both an inner splendor and a brokenness.

“The glory of God will dwell in our land.” Psalm 85:9

Like the potter shaping his work of art, I see God as forming or “informing” me, the clay, with his very own Spirit. I am created in love, of love, and for love. My value does not rest in my own degree of perfection, but rather in God’s perfect plan for me.  Something to remember when I’m questioning my inherent value or usefulness.  I can trust in God’s ongoing creation of me and of others. When I sense a conflict or tension between who I truly am and who I seem to be, to others and perhaps even to myself, I remember that I am often deceived. When I go back to that well of troubled thoughts, that is so of the evil one and not of God. Instead, I reflect on my life and how God seems to be shaping me, and I pray to trust in God’s purpose for me and others.  God grants me the kindness and patience with myself and others that are needed in this process called life.

My total surrender is always met with God’s total embrace. I experience the splendor of God that David speaks of in Psalm 104. God does indeed give me “food in due season”. When I open my hands, they are filled with good things. I can trade the me I’ve created for who God created me to be—my true nature, my deepest self. I remember the rose.  I want to display my true splendor as a daughter of the King. To bravely walk out that path, one day at a time.

“I am quite confident that the One who began a good work in you will go on completing it until the Day of Jesus Christ comes.”             Philippians 1:6

The love of Christ is always a gift. Fullness, wholeness, and freedom come in the receiving of the gift offered. When I say “Here I am”, I am welcomed home. A home that is at once God, and at the same time, me. All GOD and all ME—the true me, fearfully and wonderfully made for God’s purposes.

Lord, I pray for the readiness to respond “Here I am” to whatever you call me to, and for the willingness to let go of all that is not in accordance with your values.

(The meditations I refer to are taken from Love A Guide for Prayer by Jacqueline Syrup Bergan and Sister Marie Schwan.)

FEAR NOT…

~ Cherryonline ~ 4 Comments

Lagoon Cabarete

Last month, our youngest daughter, Beka, let me borrow a 30-day devotional I had given her for her 22nd birthday. It’s a small book of writings and prayers by St Teresa of Avila, with a bold, challenging title: Let Nothing Disturb You. I am touched that my daughter takes her faith seriously and loves to share with me the wisdom she has gleaned.  I am also drawn to the book’s title as I long to live a trusting, peaceful life—to be undisturbed and unafraid. Perhaps Sacred Scripture is filled with encouragements to “Be not afraid” because God knows we are at our best and most able to love and serve when we are unafraid.

I grew up in a serene farm setting in Central Illinois, but as my father’s alcoholism progressed, our home turned into a volatile and sometimes violent space. It was not peaceful. Fear was a very real and dominant force in my life throughout my childhood.  At college, lying in bed in my dorm room my first night away from home, I realized that it was the first time I had felt unafraid in a very long time!

That being said, fear runs deep in me, and even though now I feel safe, saved, redeemed, and in the process of transformation, at times this 65-year-old woman can still feel like a scaredy-cat.  It is my most vulnerable weakness and can keep me from experiencing and giving real agape love. A favorite read of mine is Hinds Feet on High Places by Hannah Hurnard. It is an allegorical novel about a young girl named Much-Afraid who allows God’s love to transform her into a brave, radiant young woman. She allows the Chief Shepherd to take her to the heights of love, joy, and victory.  Her journey involves facing and standing up to her relatives Dismal Forebodings, Gloomy, and Spiteful.  I have read this little gem countless times, both in English and in Spanish. My two youngest daughters grew up on the children’s version. Our daughter, Rachael, used it for a book study in Spanish while we were living in the D.R. Wanting to be free of fear has been a deep desire of mine and a motivation to draw near to God’s safety and power. I want to be brave and I want my three daughters to be brave women.

Recently, I did a spiritual exercise where I was asked to choose twelve life events which have shaped me.  Twelve is a significant number in spiritual terms—the twelve tribes of Israel, the twelve disciples, and the twelve steps of recovery programs. I started the exercise by reading Psalm 139: 1-18 and then listing my twelve events. I clearly saw God’s sustaining presence and persistent, loving care for me, especially in my most fear-filled experiences. So often I am afraid because I feel I will lose something I have or not get something I think I want. The more I meditate on God’s sustaining love and care for me, the more I can trust God with my future. That is the priceless gift of freedom God offers to each of us.

Isaiah 43:1-3 describes it well: “Do not fear, for I have redeemed you; I have called you by name, you are mine. When you pass through the waters, I will be with you; and through the rivers, they shall not overwhelm you; when you walk through fire you shall not be burned, and the flame shall not consume you. For I am the Lord your God, the Holy One of Israel, your Savior.”

The truth of my life is that I have not been overwhelmed nor consumed. My God has been with me. I need not fear.

So back to Teresa and the little devotional I have enjoyed spending my mornings with the past thirty days. Each day’s reading contains a thought to begin and another to end your day and one to ponder all through the day. Here are a few of my favorites…

“Patience gains all things.” I can be patient when I am unafraid and trusting God’s plan for me and for others.  My middle daughter, Rachael, reminded me recently that we do not know what obedience to God looks like in another. I want to honor others as they walk out their journey as I honor my own uniqueness in walking out mine. When I let God be the judge of others, I can remain undisturbed.

“It’s alright to feel helpless.”  It is good for me to know how much I need God, how dependent I really am on Him for everything. I can trust Him to care for me in big and little ways.

“God is willing to wait for me many a day, even many a year.” I take much comfort in knowing that the spiritual journey is for a lifetime. No need to hurry.  When my heart is not troubled, I can hear God more clearly and see the world and others through His compassionate and merciful eyes.

“Let me not try to fly before God has given me wings.”  Recovery programs talk about staying “right sized.” Being at peace with who you are in the moment and staying true to that “You.” Staying in the moment—today’s 24 hours—is a key to living without fear. Trusting that God knows best for you and not comparing yourself with another or wanting another’s gift.

These are just a few of the nuggets of truth that I have gathered this past month as I spend time with God.  I know that ultimately, only God can take away my fear and make me brave. I have heard it said that sooner or later we all rise or fall to the level of our friendships.  I want to tend well my friendship with my Creator.  That friendship will dictate the quality of my life and my level of trust and peace.

Last weekend we celebrated the graduations of two of our three daughters. Our youngest, Beka, received a B.S. in Exercise Science and our oldest, Blythe, received a PhD in Neuroscience. They passed through much fire and water (as Isaiah describes) to garner these degrees.  As our family celebrated, I looked at all four of our children with deep awe and gratitude. They are all brave.  And I heard God whisper to me, “Fear not, Cherry”. Once again, I sensed His sustaining presence and persistent loving care.

Beka and Blythe graduating

Good reads this past month—

Let Nothing Disturb You by Teresa of Avila

Love A Guide for Prayer by Jacqueline Syrup Bergan and Sister Marie Schwan