GOD MEETS ME WHERE I AM

My writing over the years has covered many topics—all of which are matters of the heart for me. I have shared what it means to me to be a spiritual director, to be trained in the Ignatian way, and recently, what being a Benedictine oblate—a monastic in the world— looks like in my life. As I look back on my life, I am in awe of how God always meets us where we are at and leads us forward if we are willing to take His hand and trust Him.

This month, I would like to share a new adventure of trust that my husband and I have embarked on. My husband has felt drawn to explore becoming a deacon for the Diocese of Little Rock, and I very much support him in this. After an initial informational meeting last August, we are beginning a process of discernment. As the Diocese puts it, over the next nine months, we couples will immerse ourselves in a sea of discernment following the format of an Ignatian retreat. It was also explained to us that the goal is not so much to become a deacon as it is to first know God better and His desire for our lives.  I very much like the sound of that! We were reminded that any time we give to the Lord is not a waste of time.

For those of you who are not Catholic, as well as those who are, I thought you might be interested in the formation process for a deacon—a process that lasts over five years after the initial nine month discernment phase—and includes his wife.

We are meeting monthly in a small group of discerners for the diaconate. We began this month’s gathering by reflecting on who God is for us now. Some of the questions we considered were:

• Where have you encountered God?
• Where do you experience His loving presence?
• Have you heeded His invitation, “Come to me and I will give you rest”?
• How do you cultivate an intimate friendship with Jesus?

I think these are wonderful questions for all of us to reflect upon. They also remind me of the beginning of the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises where we look at who God is for us.

One of the books we use in the describes the Exercises as “an adventure, not simply of the geographic kind but one leading to the most important destination of all: to the heart of God, which fills the hearts of all people. ¹

  When I first read this in 2019, I had one of those dear moments when I feel a God touch—His love for me made real in my here and now. God knows that I have always loved an adventure! In fact, after returning to the States in 2016, I had frequently asked my husband, “What do you think will be our next adventure?”

As I was reading my new material, I felt God gently and lovingly speak to me, “This is it.”

“Then he (Jesus) said to them, “But who do you say that I am?” Peter said in reply, “The Christ of God.” (Luke 9:20)

I remember a morning walk when I asked the question: “Who is God for me now?”   I heard this response:

“I am always by your side, your constant companion, helping you to see sparks of the Divine in all people and all things.”

As those discerning a call to the diaconate, we are invited to pray for this grace during the coming month:

I desire to learn the image of God that I have had and how He reveals Himself to me today.

Perhaps you may feel drawn to pray for this grace as well.

I was reminded that I did something similar in 2019, the first time I prayed through the Ignatian Spiritual Exercises. Here is some of what I wrote back then:

WHO IS GOD FOR ME TODAY?

• Yahweh, the Holy One, full of power and grace. The one who regards me as precious and fights on my behalf.
• My treasure that will not fail me.
• The One who feeds me.
• The One who soothes me and pursues me.
• My all-encompassing guide through life. Who knows me well and loves me without end.
• My protector and liberator.
• A Beyond beyond myself.
• The One who overshadows me with love.
• The One who makes me come alive. Who constantly breathes new life into me.

Perhaps these words will inspire some new answers of our own to the question, “Who is God for me today?” Let’s give God some time to speak more deeply to us— heart to heart.

We were also encouraged to pray with Scripture using Lectio Divina. I’ll share more on that next time.

I’ll close with a prayer we prayed at our first discernment meeting:

 

Prayer of Abandonment by Charles De Foucauld

Father, I abandon myself into your hands,
do with me what you will.
Whatever you may do, I thank you.
I am ready for all, I accept all.
Let only your will be done in me, and in your creatures.
I wish no more than this O Lord.
Into your hands I comment my soul;
I offer it to you with all the love of my heart, for I love you,
Lor, and so I need to give myself to you,
to surrender myself into your hands, without reserve,
and with boundless confidence, for you are my Father.
We ask this in your name. Amen.

¹ The Ignatian Adventure: Experiencing the Spiritual Exercises of Saint Ignatius in Daily Life by Kevin O’Brien, SJ