Do You Want to Get Well?

As we turn the calendar page to August, I have just returned from witnessing our youngest daughter giving birth to their first child, a precious little girl, Jesse Ruth. Once again, I was given the rich blessing of being present with my daughter, her husband, and one of her sisters as she brought new life into the world and into our family.

As I ponder this sweet miracle, I am also aware of a shift in our family and in my own life. Now all four of our children are married and beginning the journey of creating families of their own. This feels like a milestone for my husband and me—a moment that invites pause, reflection, and deep gratitude. Perhaps even the question, “Lord, how did we get here?”

What a rich gift from God is our memory. As I age, I am increasingly grateful for my memories—the ways they help me connect the puzzle pieces of my life and recognize how God has moved, both with and without my cooperation!  I would like to share a few key memories that may help explain how “we got here” while always leaving room for the mystery and grace of God.

In my mid-30’s, I was a single mom with two small children who had spent a long time away from the Church and from faith.  I was invited to make a Cursillo—a Chrisitan weekend focused on healing and deepening one’s connection with the love of God and His people.

During that weekend, a young Latino priest shared his personal story of how God pursued him and, despite his many excuses and resistance, God made it known to him that none of those excuses matters to God. God simply wanted him!!– “all of him.”  That got my attention.

His talk was followed by a Baptist minister sharing the story in John 5 where Jesus comes to a man at the pool of Bethesda where many sick, blind, and paralyzed people were lying.  Jesus’ question to the man, “Do you want to get well?’ pierced my heart. The pastor then looked at all of us and asked, “So, do YOU want to get well?” Again, I felt God stirring something deep within me.

I will be forever grateful for these two men of God and the seeds they planted in me who was broken enough to let God’s word begin to enter my heart and soul. That weekend marked God moving me to go deeper in my faith and trust in Him— a journey of faith into the unknown and often uncomfortable. Allowing God to walk with me, to hold my hand, as I began to do things differently.  Later, I would hear the phrases, “If you never jump, how will you experience God catching you?” And “How free do you want to be?”  I came to understand that freedom in Christ requires cooperation with His healing—to stop trusting in our own ways and open our hearts and will to new ways of doing things. That takes deep humility and that can only come from God, along with our willingness to surrender to His will—and His plan for our lives.

Another memory that comes to mind is me sitting in an AA meeting early in recovery with the awareness that I had made some very poor choices and now I was living with those consequences. A painful but true reality.  By God’s mercy and grace, I then had the thought that if I began to make new and better choices that honored God, I would later reap those consequences. A glimmer of hope rested in my heart and gave me strength to carry on.

As I continued to attempt to follow the ancient path of Jesus, I was introduced to Benedictine spirituality. There is such rich wisdom in the teachings of St. Benedict—guidance on how to follow Christ and truly love God and others.

One story in a book of reflections on the Rule of Benedict has always stayed with me. It speaks about choosing growth over comfort.

The ancients tell the story of the distressed person who came to the Holy One for help. “Do you really want a cure?” the Holy One asked. “If I did not, would I bother to come to you?” the disciple answered. “Oh, yes, “the master said. “Most people do.” And the disciple said, incredulously, “But what for then?” And the Holy One answered, “Well, not for a cure. That’s painful. They come for relief.”

Over the years, each time I return to this story, I feel I’m experiencing a deep truth God has for me. I find myself asking: “Where am I seeking comfort and relief instead of God’s true cure— freedom?” I invite each of us to sit with this question and allow God to teach us what it means personally?

At this point in my life, I can look back and see how God has gently yet persistently encouraged me to cooperate with His grace and power. Each time I have been given the courage to “jump”, He has faithfully been there to catch me. Through what I can only call Divine therapy; I am being shaped more into the likeness of Christ.

I have experienced much personal healing, healing and growth in my marriage, and now I am enjoying the fruits of our labors (mine and God’s) in the beauty of my growing family. I truly believe that this would not have come to pass without the grace of God—the wisdom and strength to say “YES!! I WANT TO GET WELL.”

Another fruit of my “YES” is the blessing of being a certified spiritual director. I’ll close with one final reflection from The Rule of Benedict—Insights for the Ages, Sr. Joan Chittister. As always, Sister has a no-nonsense way of getting to the heart of the matter.

Everybody needs somebody to whom they can reveal themselves without fear of punishment or pain. Everybody, at some time in life, wrestles with an angel that threatens to overpower them. Benedict wanted people who could work skillfully with the souls of others. He felt we needed people in our lives who care enough about us to lead us through life’s various stages gently. If we chose spiritual people for our friends and our leaders, if we respected our elders for their wisdom, if we wanted growth rather than comfort, if we ripped away the masks that hide us and were willing to have our bleeding selves cauterized by the light of spiritual leadership and the heat of holy friendship, we would come to the humility that brings real peace. Benedict encouraged caring enough about others to be willing to be their light, to treat their wounds well, and to protect their reputation when they try to talk to us.

This teaching has shaped me as a spiritual director and as a wife, mother, grandmother, and friend. It is an invitation I continue to bring to prayer. Let us ask God what He would have us do with this and, most importantly, let us ask for the grace of courage to say YES to the gentle voice of Lord as He continues to ask us, “My child, I love you. DO YOU WANT TO GET WELL?

Here are some scriptures you may want to pray with. Perhaps, you could also ask God to bring to your mind memories of ways that He has moved in your life to heal you, free you, and make you more into His image and likeness.

Scriptures for Prayer:

John 5:6
“When Jesus saw him lying there and knew that he had already been there a long time, he said to him, ‘Do you want to be made well?’”

Jeremiah 6:16
“Stand at the crossroads and look; ask for the ancient paths, ask where the good way is, and walk in it, and you will find rest for your souls.”

Ezekiel 36:26
“I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit within you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh.”

2 Corinthians 12:9
“My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.”

“Abandon yourself to God as you understand God. Admit your faults to Him and to your fellows. Clear away the wreckage of your past. Give freely of what you find and join us. We shall be with you in the Fellowship of the Spirit, and you will surely meet some of us as you trudge the Road of Happy Destiny. May God bless you and keep you—until then.” — Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous